


Pray You'll Lose

by PoliticalBloodTea



Category: Animorphs - Katherine A. Applegate
Genre: Angst, Gen, One-Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-22
Updated: 2014-07-22
Packaged: 2018-02-09 21:39:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1998792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PoliticalBloodTea/pseuds/PoliticalBloodTea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Ever wonder if the world would be better off without you?" Marco asked.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pray You'll Lose

The meeting hadn’t started yet, Jake and Marco were alone in Cassie’s barn, late afternoon sunlight streaming through the rafters, catching the dust in the air. Marco was tearing apart a piece of straw.  Neither of them said a word.  Jake felt like the act of opening his mouth and speaking would take too much energy. It was the kind of soul deep tired he was getting used to.  Interacting with other human beings felt like a chore. Marco used to be the easiest person in the world to talk to.  Spending time together was effortless.  Now, Marco’s face was just another reminder of the war.  It was hard for Jake to be around any of the Animorphs if he didn’t have to.

Jake was willing to let the silence go until someone else arrived, the animals kept the barn from being the kind of quiet that made him feel like he was going to explode; he always had to have music on in his room when he was alone now.  Silence let Jake’s thoughts get too loud, silence let Jake hear the sounds of a Yeerk moving Tom’s body around the house.

The straw in his hands was completely destroyed before Marco decided to speak.  “I think we’re too hard on Rachel,” he said, looking at the pile of destroyed hay instead of Jake.

Jake frowned.  Marco was the last person he expected to hear defend Rachel.  Jake almost didn’t reply.  He knew this conversation would take more energy than he was willing to give, conversations about Rachel always did.  Being selfish made him feel worse, though, so he said, “What?”

Marco was silent long enough that Jake felt himself start to get annoyed.  He was about to prompt him again when Marco said, “Have you ever noticed that half the crazy things she does are my idea?  I say something and she’s the first to say, ‘Let’s do it!’ and I act like she’s crazy and you’re all crazy for agreeing with her.  But that’s not an accident.  I don’t-” he cut himself off and grabbed a new piece of straw, tearing it apart in angry motions.  “I’m not a good person, Jake.  I thought I was, before this started, before the Yeerks, but I’m not.  The decisions I’ve made, my mom-” he stopped again and Jake watched him swallow.  Jake could feel a sympathetic lump forming in his own throat.

“Ever wonder if the world would be better off without you?” Marco finally looked at Jake, and Jake looked away immediately.  What he saw in Marco’s eyes, the pain and anger, was too much for him to deal with.

Jake stared out the open door of the barn, into the field beyond.  He _had_ wondered from time to time, but it was more selfishness.  No one else would step up to fight this war, and Jake knew what he really meant was that he would be better off without the world. He couldn’t share any of that with Marco. Instead, he played dumb.  “I don’t know what you mean.”  He clenched his jaw.

Jake could feel Marco staring at him, but Jake refused to look.  Marco sighed.  “You make the hard calls, Jake.  But it’s always me who comes up with the options.  My ideas, and the things I’ve done…”  Marco’s pause was the longest yet and Jake knew they were both thinking about Marco’s mom, Erek, every time Marco had had an idea that made Jake wonder if he knew his best friend at all.

Marco finally spoke again. “I just wonder if you guys would have fought a cleaner war without me.  Less ruthless.”  Jake glanced at Marco, finally, and saw that he was smirking to himself, bitter and mirthless.  He could tell Marco was done talking.

Marco wasn’t looking at Jake, so it was easier for Jake to let himself look at Marco.  Marco’s shoulders were hunched, and he was still working away at the piece of straw.  He was almost done tearing it to pieces.

Jake weighed his options, what he should say, if what he would say would be to make himself or Marco feel better, if he should just stay silent. Finally, he said, “You’re right, Marco.  You’ve come up with ideas that I’m not sure I want anyone to know about after this is over.”  Marco’s entire body curled in on itself, like he was trying to protect himself from a blow.  Jake clenched his fists, forcing his next words out.  “But I could have said no.  I could have stopped you, just like I could have stopped Rachel.”

Marco tensed for a second, and Jake knew he was preparing a comeback.  For both their sakes he hoped Marco would stay silent.  After a moment Marco sagged, he looked defeated, not relieved.  He nodded and threw the last piece of straw on the ground, dusting off his hands.  Jake looked out the door of the barn again, he could see Cassie approaching  He felt tired.

**Author's Note:**

> Original prompt from [jakeberensonisbroken](http://jakeberensonisbroken.tumblr.com/) on tumblr: Jake/Marco "Ever wonder if the world would be better off without you… ?" (or Stiles/Scott)


End file.
